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Forgiveness Sucks

 I've been hurt before. It's not really anything new when you talk to someone. Everyone has had something said something to them or had something been done to them that hurt them in some way. Growing up, you just learn that it's a part of life right? They say that the people closest to you hurt you the most. I have had relationships that the physical abuse was better than the emotional abuse. I would have rather had it that way. The emotional abuse cuts your body in a certain way that you can't explain. The cold that you feel all over. The sharp pain that you can feel in the middle of your spine. You feel like you're choking on the air your're trying breathe.  I would sit on the floor and wish that the yelling would turn into needles. I would rather have a thousand needles hitting me on my skin than those words getting deeper into my soul.  I didn't realize that it wouldn't stop when the relationships ended. It became a piece in every relationship. The c...
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Serving in the Shadows

 Have you been a part of something and you can look back and say "this is what saved my life". It was the third night of my first conference that I created by myself. The room was pitch black, there were 300 kids in the front of the room raising their hands. The song went to the bridge and all the instruments stopped playing and all you could hear were the voices. It was a magical moment. It was the moment I look back on when I forget what I'm doing here. I had been doing events for about 3 years. I started helping my friend Trina doing little tasks like going shopping for stuff, creating documents, lists, game ideas, just little stuff. I watched her intensely for months work tirelessly over these "parties". She was a pastor, an admin, and put together these magical moments.  I loved parties. I've always been an outgoing person and loved being around people, so these events felt like I could breathe again, like I was seen. I was a big partier in high school ...
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